I’ve been duped. I’ve been tricked. Lied to. I don’t know how else to explain how I feel about Evangelicalism since our last election cycle in 2016. Yes, when Trump was elected president. I’ve felt cynicism rising up inside me. Bitterness and anger too. And it isn’t too far to say that I feel hurt. I know I shouldn’t, but I do. And it isn’t because I am some reactive liberal though I’d guess my conservative friends think that is the case. In fact, no party owns my allegiance. Jesus does. And I haven’t been happy about every person who has ever been elected. What I’m feeling isn’t that. It is something more. I think the reason I feel so much frustration is because I realized that the “church” I grew up in didn’t actually believe what they told me all this time.
I wouldn’t say that as a young person, or even into young adulthood, I felt like Evangelical was the PRIMARY term we used to define our Christian identity. I grew up in “conservative” churches. I think we would more likely say we were a “Bible Church” than Evangelical Church. But they definitely were Evangelical churches even if we didn’t use the word all the time. In the last several decades though, that term or identity has become more prominent. And now the label, especially among white churches, has come to take on more of a political ideology/position than anything else. White evangelicals were more united in voting for Trump in 2016 than any other republican presidential candidate in the past 4 elections at 81%. That is a HUGE majority. And before anybody even for a moment thinks “well, we obviously couldn’t vote for Hillary”, white evangelicals continue to offer Donald Trump immense support. More than ANY other religious affiliation. So, no, they didn’t vote for him because they had no other choice. They made him their nominee, voted fervently for him in the election and continue to support and defend him at nearly all costs. Honestly, I’m not sure Jesus himself could have beaten Trump among white Evangelicals. Simply put, they have given up trying to hide their cards and laid them down on the table.
However, “evangelical” wasn’t meant to have such political overtones. It initially had to do with several main priorities. Traditionally an evangelical was a person or church that believed in the authority of scripture, the sacrificial work of Jesus on the cross, the need for individuals to convert or become saved, and that our faith should affect our public life. In general, I agree with these statements especially if given the chance for some explanation.
I also want to clarify that as I share these thoughts I know I am speaking in broad brush strokes. I know some of this may FEEL like I am making personal assessments. INDIVIDUALS were my Pastors, Sunday School teachers and Youth Leaders. It may also feel like I am talking about a specific church. The one’s I attended growing up. But here my intent is to speak of the “church” of my upbringing in general.
So with all of that being said, and for the reasons below, I no longer want to be considered an Evangelical. For what the word has come to mean today, it no longer defines me or what I believe.
#1 – Sexuality
I grew up at a time where the most humiliating thing a teen could do was get pregnant. Of course that goes for the girls. Guys got off easy. It was the time of purity rings and True Love Waits. As a youth pastor, books were coming out left and right telling teens to “Kiss Dating Goodbye.” Sexual purity was the most important thing a teen could pursue. Teen boys were told of the dangers of pornography and that to look at a woman with lust was to commit adultery with her. Teen girls were told to dress modestly so as not to lead boys into temptation. For adults, the worst thing you could do was get a divorce. The sanctity of marriage was championed at every opportunity. Adults and teens were forced to stand before their churches, confessing their sexual immorality, adultery, broken marriages or else be disciplined and removed from the church. Church ushers would be aware if someone was no longer allowed to attend and be prepared to keep them from entering the church building. In the 90’s it was reported that our president had had a sexual relationship with his intern. The church in unison claimed that “character matters!” How could someone who didn’t take marriage and sexuality seriously lead our nation? Simply put, they said he couldn’t.
But they lied to me. The church never believed any of this. In 2016 they elected and continue to support a man who has no boundaries when it comes to his sexuality. He has been divorced multiple times, bragged that other men’s wives were not safe in his presence, bragged and laughed about sexually assaulting women without their permission, paid off porn stars to keep his infidelity a secret, and has been accused of sexual assault and harassment by 24 women. But the church tells me Trump is a christian leader sent by God.
Of course it was eventually discovered that the church itself wasn’t any safer for girls or boys or women. Sexual assault and harassment was happening right in the church buildings. Girls were ashamed to say anything. And somehow many preachers thought they were untouchable and were protected by the “church” at nearly any cost. The institution was more important than any one person including those who had been assaulted, harassed, and raped.
I have no other explanation than the evangelical church never believed what they told me. They lied to me. The tricked me. They lied to those young girls standing in front of their churches fearful and ashamed. They lied to those women who finally left a bad marriage. I’ve been duped.
#2 – Truth
I mentioned above that one of the things that typically helps define an Evangelical is the value of the authority of scripture. The Bible is Truth. Without error. In every fact and detail, it is inerrant. I was told that to in anyway remain open to the idea that scripture doesn’t answer every factual, scientific question with 100% accuracy was to cast doubt on the whole thing. Even today as some of my views of scripture have shifted and some of my interpretations have changed, people still throw out bible references claiming that all scripture is “inspired” and true. Truth is found in scripture. And Truth will set you free. Without it we have nothing.
After high school I attended Cornerstone University in Grand Rapids, MI as a Bible Major. There again, Truth was emphasized. In my senior year we had a “Senior Seminar” course in which we wrapped up our schooling, calls to ministry and studied some relevant development of the time that could affect our ministry. Our class studied the shift from the Modern Culture to a Postmodern Culture. We read books and had discussions. It was said that the relativism of the Postmodern Culture was perhaps the greatest threat the church will face in upcoming years. That “Truth” would no longer be valued. That someone could say whatever they want and believe whenever they want with no one having a mechanism to tell them they are wrong.
In 2016 this same church elected and continues to support a man who feels in no way obligated to truth. He will literally say whatever he wants in the moment. On the very first day of his presidency he began defending a lie that his inauguration crowd was the largest ever. How stupid and unimportant!? Why lie about it? It was our first introduction to “alternative facts.” And only a few days ago he said that when a crowd began to chant, “send her back” that he quickly quieted the very few people shouting. It was a lie so obvious, it was absurd. Some estimates place the number of Trump’s public lies and misleading statements since taking office to be over 10,000. And now there are studies that state that our culture can barely tell the difference between opinion and fact due in part to Trump’s perpetual attack on truth. And the church continues to defend him and his lies. Franklin Graham just recently said he doesn’t think Trump lies a lot. He claimed that Trump just does what we all do.
I have no other explanation than the white evangelical church never believed truth was important. They lied to me. The duped me.
#3 – Secularism
Growing up, to define anything as “secular” was to question it’s worth. As a musician this often came up in the context of music. We shouldn’t listen to “secular music” but instead listen to Christian music. Even instruments that were introduced and used in Secular Music were thought by many to be instruments that shouldn’t be used in the church. I remember the controversy and conflict caused by the first drum set being set up in the sanctuary of my childhood church. In general, all areas of life were to be influenced by our faith and Christian perspective. Others called it a Christian Worldview. EVERYTHING intersected with our faith. You might even put Christian Schools under this category. The churches I grew up in had a direct role in running the local Christian School. It was thought that Reading, Science and Math were best taught with a Christian perspective. Secularism in general is the idea of keeping God separate and removed from some aspects of life.
But leading up to 2016 and certainly since I’ve discovered that the white Evangelical churches I grew up in was lying to me. I can only assume they never believed it. I have heard people outright question what Jesus has to do with war or economics. Christian leaders like Falwell claim that the way of Jesus doesn’t apply to how Trump should lead. He is not our Pastor in Chief. He and our politics are exempt. I’ve heard Christians state that Jesus command to love our enemy has nothing to do with our ACTUAL enemies. White Evangelical Christians, followers of the crucified and tortured Jesus (tied with catholics) are more likely to support the use of torturing our enemies (68%) than any other religious affiliation. They are also least likely (25%) to believe we have an obligation to care for refugees in our world. (More on that later.)
I have only one explanation for this, the Church has always been secular. They lied to me when they claimed my entire worldview should be shaped by my faith. They never believed that Jesus has authority over EVERYTHING.
#4 – The Bible
This may have some overlap to my section on Truth above but I want to separate out one idea. The Bible is the center of Evangelicalism as I have stated above. We went to self proclaimed “Bible Churches.” Not Jesus churches, but Bible churches. From the youngest age we told our kids to memorize scripture and to “hide scripture in their hearts.” As you can see above under secularism, the church literally meant “HIDE” it. But I digress. Children then and today receive pins and ribbons and stickers and candy when they take the time to read and memorize scripture. I was the king of Sword Drills finding Biblical references as quickly as possible. Honestly, as a parent I struggled with these programs because I felt like there was so much pressure to get my kids to memorize the words that they never had opportunity to learn what the words actually meant. And having just a regular Bible wasn’t good enough as we got older. The best Bibles were Study Bibles with notes added at the bottom of every page. Today you can find a study bible for almost any particular purpose or person.
But something more recently has crept into our current culture both regarding the Bible and other categories of thought. It is a suspicion of scholarship. You could add a suspicion of science. It can only be described as anti-intellectualism. Bible scholars are treated as a threat. It is ASSUMED that because they are challenging what may have been a presumed understanding of biblical text they have some hidden agenda. Now to be fair, you could argue every scholar and every PERSON reads and learns with some sort of bias. But nearly everything we know and understand about scripture and the world of scripture was given to us by scholars. People who’s main job it is to study scripture, it’s languages and context. This then overlaps into science. Any one with an expertise in any field is seen as biased and a threat. For example, white evangelicals are the least likely of any religious group to believe that Climate Change is happening as a result of human activity at 28%. This is despite the fact that real scientists (not opinion columnists or politicians) are nearly unanimous on the matter. Our bible literally starts with God telling humanity to steward the earth. Why aren’t we leading the way?
I don’t know how to explain this reluctance to accept or even consider scholarship especially as it relates to scripture. I can only assume that they lied to me about how important scripture is. They never believed it. The Bible was merely a tool to support what they already believed and wanted to force others to believe. I was duped.
#5 – Missions
Every year in the churches I grew up in we had one week designated to missions. It usually went by the creative and original title “Missions Week.” The church would invite various missionaries that we supported to come and share their efforts in nations all around the globe. The whole church would focus on the need to share the gospel all around the world. Especially to nations and people who had never heard of Jesus. Somewhere in the church, often in the main lobby, there was usually a bulletin board with a world map. Pins and images would show us where the missionaries our church supported were serving. I remember hearing remarkable stories of faith in the midst of real danger. Families risking everything to share the story of Jesus. We would learn about the 10-40 window which was a part of the world where Jesus was least likely to be known and perhaps the most dangerous to share. Those missionaries could be described as heroes.
Usually at some point during Missions Week two things would happen. First, families would commit to give above and beyond their normal giving in support of these missionaries. What would God lead you to sacrifice so that the gospel could be shared? Of course now I do wonder if that “above and beyond” was more about the church leadership not really wanting to give up any of their own budget for it. After all, we have buildings to build, parking lots to pave and staff to hire. But either way, the church was called to be a part, even from a distance, of what God was doing in our world. The second thing that would typically happen was an invitation to consider whether God was calling you to serve as a missionary. It seemed like every year some would walk up the aisle and commit to serving God in this way. We would pray for them and maybe even applaud their commitment.
As a teenager then the whole idea of Missions took on another level in the form of a mission trip. I along with several youth leaders and teens visited Guatemala. My most vivid memory is that of being taken as guests to the home of a local Guatemalan who was responsible for managing the building project at a local Christian training facility for missionaries where we were helping. As I remember it, the home had a dirt floor with the only roof being above the shared bedroom for he and his many children. Their was a cistern in the middle of the home that collected water…again, no roof. He then provided a meal of corn on the cob for our entire group. I remember the ears of corn were HUGE. I remember the guide telling us that the food he provided us could have fed his family for days. Through all of these experiences I was lead to believe that my church had a deep concern for the people of the world. But I was fooled.
Over the last several years I have realized that the white evangelical church never believed that we had a role to play in loving the world. We sang “Jesus loves the little children” but we didn’t mean it. Or perhaps we meant it as long as they stayed “over there.” When the nations of the world suddenly show up at our doorstep we send them away. When the “children” show up we separate them from their parents causing trauma that will forever affect them. We forbid people from nations in the 10-40 window from ever entering our nation. We build walls on our border and claim these migrants coming from Guatemala and other countries have nothing to offer us. They will only use our great nation, costing us our security, comfort and wealth. And it isn’t just illegal immigration that the white evangelical church stand against. Trump has set a limit of allowing 30,000 refugees to enter the United States in 2019. The lowest in 40 years. And the Trump administration continues to enact policies that will likely completely end the ability of migrants to seek asylum in the United States. And the policies that have lead to so many children being separated from their families can only be described as intentional cruelty to keep others from trying to seek asylum. I already mentioned that white evangelicals are the least likely category of people to believe we have a moral obligation to care for refugees. They are also the only category of people who by a majority believe that immigrants threaten American society and that we should completely ban any refugees from entering our nation.
How do I reconcile this with Mission Weeks, and sacrificial giving, and unbelievable stories and slideshows, and missionary bulletin boards front and center in the church building and invitations to join God in sharing the gospel with all people “red and yellow, black and white”? I can’t. My only conclusion is that they lied to me. They never believed it.
Conclusion:
So yes, I feel betrayed. I feel hurt. I feel lied to. The church I grew up in, (whether I now fully agree with everything they hold or not) never really existed. If it did exist, it died. And its death was shockingly fast. So I am leaving it behind. It is not an institution I any longer want to be associated with or help preserve. I am an #exvangelical to use an increasingly popular hashtag. Is there hope for change? Honestly, I don’t know. I’m not sure the “bell can be unrung.” It seems fear and self-preservation are the new priorities of the white Evangelical church and these two things are the anti-thesis to the way of Jesus. “America First” should have no part in the language of the Church. To use a phrase from a video I saw recently, “it is theological heresy.” I am really trying to set aside that anger and bitterness. I am trying to separate individuals from what the movement as a whole has come to represent. I will continue however to share what I believe are the values of Jesus and the implications of his “Good News” or Gospel in our world. I will continue to point out that there are real victims. Those who are being hurt. I don’t know any other way to proceed. For others who were told what I was told and feel how I do today, there are other places to truly encounter God and follow Jesus. Evangelicalism does not = Jesus. If you are the Traverse City area feel free to reach out to me. I find that bitterness, anger, hurt and despair grows the quickest when you feel alone.
pilgrim musings 